Frozen in Time.

My husband and I had just gotten back late at night from our Friday-night date.

We walked downstairs to our bedroom. I threw my purse on the floor and we flopped on our bed to lie down for just a few minutes before getting ready for bed.

Then, looking above me, I saw two itsy-bisty white spiders hanging from the blades of the ceiling fan above us. And when I say itsy-bitsy, I mean that literally. They were really small - like babies. In fact, they were babies.

I jumped up to squash the two little invaders only to find that as soon as I squashed them two more were hanging down from the fan. Once those were squashed, two more were hanging down. "What IS this????" I shrieked.

"Heidi, look..." my husband said and pointed to a dirty looking streak on our white ceiling. What looked to me at first just to be a streak of i-don't-know-what ended up being at least two hundred baby spiders all crawling in a thick line waiting to take their first little journey-of-life off the edge of the ceiling fan and into my bed!

Disgusting.

You all remember the old version of Charlotte's Web where at the end Charlotte dies and then all of her babies are born and then they all fly away off of the barn post and into the wind, right?

Well, that's exactly what these babies were trying to do....except they wanted to fly into my bed!

So-incredibly-disgusting.

And, can I just say, I am SO glad we got home exactly when we did, and laid on our beds exactly when we did, so that we actually saw this happening from the beginning?? Can you imagine having two hundred baby spiders jump on you all night in your sleep only to wake up to a nightmare????

Adam started spraying the ceiling with Raid and then they all just started to lower themselves to the floor with their webs and he started spraying the air to kill as many as he could.

We slept on the couch that night.

The following night, I bought Raid bug bombs and before we went out on our Saturday-night date (I know, two dates in a row! I was so excited!) we set the bombs off in each of the bedrooms downstairs as well as our upstairs living area in order to kill every living bug, spider, or other pesky nuisance still living in our house.

What I came home to four hours later interested me.

On our bottom stair-step there was a [sorta] big spider laying dead. It had come out when we were gone and had been frozen in its tracks.

"Interesting to see what happens when I'm gone," I thought.

Then I sat on the couch and saw another spider - only this one was hanging from the ceiling by it's single-threaded web about a foot above the coffee table. This spider had also come out when we were gone and had literally been killed in action. It's position was frozen in time for us to see.

The good news was that I could rest assured that all the creatures in my house were dead - I had obvious proof.

But observing these two spiders that were killed in their track and showed me what they were doing when I was gone got me to thinking:

What if people could see me when I think no one is watching?

What if my secret actions were frozen in time and put on display for all to see?

Would people be surprised? Would I be ashamed?

So since this weekend, those are some things I've been pondering. How would I act if the curtain was pulled back and people saw my secret actions? How would my speech be different if I knew others could hear me? Would my attitude change?

Now, I know we all are human and need to relax once in a while, but just think for a moment. What is the REAL YOU that comes out when you think no one is watching? Because we all know that in reality, someone IS watching. And HE is the one we actually should care the most about.

So, I'm just thinking. Pondering. Hopefully improving some behaviors.

And I'm also reflecting on how grateful I am for Raid bug bombs.

PS...This isn't the only lesson that I have learned from spiders. Read about my other lesson here.

Heidi-at-Twenty-Three

Sometimes, I miss Heidi-at-twenty.

Heidi-at-twenty knew much more than Heidi-at-twenty-three.

Heidi-at-twenty knew what she stood for and why. She had strong opinions and she had answers to questions. She was good at coloring her world in black-and-white. She was especially good at knowing how to read the Bible and guide her life by it. Heidi-at-twenty knew how to have a relationship with Jesus.

But Heidi-at-twenty-three is different. Heidi-at-twenty-three has been doing some dangerous things.

Heidi-at-twenty-three has been listening intently to many women’s stories. She has been reading raw and honest writings about people’s life experiences. She has been observing individuals in her life undergo heartache and struggle. She has literally watched loved ones pass away from temporal life into eternal life. She has experienced certain types of pain that she hadn’t planned on experiencing.

Heidi-at-twenty-three doesn’t have all the answers.

Heidi-at-twenty-three is unsure how all the new colors she has discovered are supposed to fit into a previously black-and-white frame.

She is asking questions of God’s character. She is wondering how an abundant relationship with Him works.

She has questions.

And when Heidi-at-twenty-three goes back to ask Heidi-at-twenty those questions, Heidi-at-twenty is able to give answers.

But somehow, Heidi-at-twenty-three doesn’t think those answers are quite right. She may not yet know the answers herself, but she has a stirring feeling that the answers cannot be contained in the simple sentences that Heidi-at-twenty gives.

And when I realize that those answers are no longer satisfactory, I don’t think I really miss Heidi-at-twenty so much. In fact, I believe I am beginning to really enjoy Heidi-at-twenty-three.

I am discovering that it is okay that Heidi-at-twenty-three doesn’t have all the answers. I sort of like the way she is willing to listen to other people’s perspectives and stay open to maybe even changing her mind. I’m getting used to the fact that her compassionate heart often hurts these days as she keeps exposing herself to reality.

But what I like the most about Heidi-at-twenty-three is that she has learned that she doesn’t have to understand everything about Jesus in order to trust Him and in order to follow Him.

And as long as she keeps believing THAT, then I think Heidi-at-twenty-three and I will get along just fine.

Letting Fruit Ripen.

I had the opportunity to go to a Beth Moore conference this weekend with my mom and it. was. phenomenal.

Because of the conference, I did a lot of heavy thinking this weekend.

Processing. Listening. Soaking in and Writing out.

Through the experience, I observed many things, I was broken in a few different ways, I was spoken to in many areas through all the teaching, and my heart delighted in worship.

I could pick from a multitude of points that I learned this weekend to blog about. There are plenty of things of substance swirling around in my head that I could share.

But those thoughts are ripe yet.

Have you ever been so impacted by something and so excited about something you have learned and then immediately gone to share it with someone only to have it fall flat when you speak it out? I know I have done that and I hate the feeling that comes with it. When that happens, it is like those fresh and precious revelations immediately become old and faded when just the few moments before I shared them, they were brand new.

The seeds of some beautiful works of God have been planted in my heart this past weekend. Already, I can see some of the fruit starting to show the flowering buds. But that fruit needs sufficient time to grow until it is ready to be picked. It needs time to be watered by the Word, spend some time in the Son, and pull and receive nutrients from the roots of understanding.

So, while this fruit grows, I am going to follow the example of Mary in Luke 2:19 and ...."treasure up all these words, and ponder in [my] heart what they might mean."




What about YOU? Has God been planting any seeds in your heart lately? Can you feel as those seeds are growing into riper fruit? What stage of growth do you think your seeds are at?