Permission to Myself.

Just RELAX, Heidi.

It's OK.

Just relax, and watch the rain outside your windows pouring down from the gray sky.

Just relax. Enjoy the sound of the rain hitting your roof as you sit on the couch.

Take in the scent of the cinnamon candle on your coffee table.

Allow yourself to stare at your red-and-green glowing Christmas tree. Remember where you bought each ornament. Chuckle at the memory of how you and Adam came to decide on a theme for your Christmas tree.

Notice the whir of the washing machine and dryer in the laundry room. Let it remind you that, even on your day off work, you have still accomplished some chores. Let that be a comfort to your mind which seems to think that you need to constantly be accomplishing something.

But please, do not let chores consume this day that was set aside for relaxing.

Heidi, your identity is not in how busy you are or how much you can accomplish.

It is okay to rest. It is okay to sit and to simply enjoy.

A day like this is so rare for you, Heidi. Don't waste it by tring to accomplish everything you can possbily think of.

Instead, find pleasure in the soft jazz Christmas music streaming over Pandora and enjoy the taste of your peppermint tea.

Do you want to close your eyes for a few moments and just half-sleep and half-listen to the music and the rain?

That's a lovely idea - go ahead,

it's ok.

Frozen in Time.

My husband and I had just gotten back late at night from our Friday-night date.

We walked downstairs to our bedroom. I threw my purse on the floor and we flopped on our bed to lie down for just a few minutes before getting ready for bed.

Then, looking above me, I saw two itsy-bisty white spiders hanging from the blades of the ceiling fan above us. And when I say itsy-bitsy, I mean that literally. They were really small - like babies. In fact, they were babies.

I jumped up to squash the two little invaders only to find that as soon as I squashed them two more were hanging down from the fan. Once those were squashed, two more were hanging down. "What IS this????" I shrieked.

"Heidi, look..." my husband said and pointed to a dirty looking streak on our white ceiling. What looked to me at first just to be a streak of i-don't-know-what ended up being at least two hundred baby spiders all crawling in a thick line waiting to take their first little journey-of-life off the edge of the ceiling fan and into my bed!

Disgusting.

You all remember the old version of Charlotte's Web where at the end Charlotte dies and then all of her babies are born and then they all fly away off of the barn post and into the wind, right?

Well, that's exactly what these babies were trying to do....except they wanted to fly into my bed!

So-incredibly-disgusting.

And, can I just say, I am SO glad we got home exactly when we did, and laid on our beds exactly when we did, so that we actually saw this happening from the beginning?? Can you imagine having two hundred baby spiders jump on you all night in your sleep only to wake up to a nightmare????

Adam started spraying the ceiling with Raid and then they all just started to lower themselves to the floor with their webs and he started spraying the air to kill as many as he could.

We slept on the couch that night.

The following night, I bought Raid bug bombs and before we went out on our Saturday-night date (I know, two dates in a row! I was so excited!) we set the bombs off in each of the bedrooms downstairs as well as our upstairs living area in order to kill every living bug, spider, or other pesky nuisance still living in our house.

What I came home to four hours later interested me.

On our bottom stair-step there was a [sorta] big spider laying dead. It had come out when we were gone and had been frozen in its tracks.

"Interesting to see what happens when I'm gone," I thought.

Then I sat on the couch and saw another spider - only this one was hanging from the ceiling by it's single-threaded web about a foot above the coffee table. This spider had also come out when we were gone and had literally been killed in action. It's position was frozen in time for us to see.

The good news was that I could rest assured that all the creatures in my house were dead - I had obvious proof.

But observing these two spiders that were killed in their track and showed me what they were doing when I was gone got me to thinking:

What if people could see me when I think no one is watching?

What if my secret actions were frozen in time and put on display for all to see?

Would people be surprised? Would I be ashamed?

So since this weekend, those are some things I've been pondering. How would I act if the curtain was pulled back and people saw my secret actions? How would my speech be different if I knew others could hear me? Would my attitude change?

Now, I know we all are human and need to relax once in a while, but just think for a moment. What is the REAL YOU that comes out when you think no one is watching? Because we all know that in reality, someone IS watching. And HE is the one we actually should care the most about.

So, I'm just thinking. Pondering. Hopefully improving some behaviors.

And I'm also reflecting on how grateful I am for Raid bug bombs.

PS...This isn't the only lesson that I have learned from spiders. Read about my other lesson here.

Unexpected Blessings.

I don't like fighting sickness.

Especially when it means having to cancel piano lessons for a third week in a row with two of the most wonderful little sisters in the world. Not only do I feel bad about holding their progress back another week, but I miss my weekly dose of getting to spend time with them.

However,

I believe God has set aside tonight for me.

On the outside, it looks like a nothing-special-sorta-disappointing night. An evening filled with cancelled plans, a sore throat, an overworking immunity system, stretchy sweats, pony-tailed hair, and dishes waiting to be washed doesn't sound very glamorous.

And it's not, really.

But there are some special things about an evening like this.

A husband needing some de-stressing comes home and puts on his sweats too. Netflix movies give his mind some rest while I relax by writing. A steaming, homeade latte for him while I keep downing cups of hot tea with slices of lemon.

Tonight is a chance for my husband and I to occupy our home. It is a chance to use our home as a place of healing and respite. Tonight we can light our candles, enjoy the Thanksgiving decorations that were put up over the weekend, get cozy in our sweats, and just be.

Just Be.

Even when we aren't in the same room, I enjoy hearing him move around in the other room. I love knowing he is near. I love walking past him and being available for a seven minute conversation before we each go back to what we were doing. I like being able to share a quick-something that we just remembered by talking from room to room. I like being available to live life with him.

So, although it took my body fighting sickness and a night off of school for my husband, we are getting the blessing of occupying the same space tonight and just being together. Together, we are healing body, mind and soul.

And I'm sure that whatever tomorrow brings, we will be better because of tonight.



What are some unexpected blessings that YOU have received lately?

How They Make Home.

She has a delicious scent plug-ins in her room. She is the queen of accessories and always knows how to glam up my outfit when I come over. She has her mementos, pictures, and verses decorating every corner of her room. She carries her iPod station or Macbook around to whatever room she is in and she picks the perfect playlist to set the desired mood for the atmosphere - whether it is a lazy afternoon by the pool or an early morning getting-dressed session. She opens mango salsa and spinach chips for an afternoon snack.

This is how she makes her space

beautiful.warm.inviting.home.

She is my sister.

Her fridge contains organic ingredients and healthy, raw dairy products. As an act of love, she spends time in the kitchen preparing meals and trying out new recipes for her family. She sets enticing snacks out all day long. She arranges the place mats at the dinner table closer together in order to facilitate better conversation and deeper community during the meal. She turns music on and has oil scent plug-ins. Visitors are greeted by the running water up the walkway, a welcome sign, and an unlocked door.

This is how she makes her space
beautiful.warm.inviting.home.

She is my best friend's mom.

She has a pot of freshly ground coffee brewing. She has a variety of coffee creamers to choose from to make every cup of coffee special. She arranges the furniture to facilitate easy conversation. She has at least two candles in every room and buys seasonal scents. She doesn't wait until company comes to light them but instead enjoys them every day. There is a music station on the counter and the sounds of worship music can usually be heard streaming from that corner. Musical instruments are placed around her house, cultivating an environment of creativity. She delights in the expression of beauty.

This is how she makes her space

beautiful.warm.inviting.home.

She is my mom.

I have been observing these women lately. I feel so "home" in their presence. I feel home in their "space." I have been observing what they do to cultivate these atmospheres that I enjoy so much. And, outside of their warm and loving personalities, I see some similarities.

Music.

Scents.

Food.

Conversation settings.

Aesthetic Beauty.

They all make a distinct effort to include these things in their home experiences. As I continue to build my home, I'm grateful for these woman (and others in my life) who I can glean from.

What do YOU do to create the environment you love in the space that you call your own?

Just What I Needed.

Blame it on my poor night sleep, or my lack of a nutritious breakfast, or a slow day at work that left me with extra time on my hands. Blame it on what you will, but I was unsettled today.

Unpurposed and anxious. Restless and unfocused.

A short workout lifting weights over my lunch break helped my mind a little, but it also left me hungry for food that I hadn’t adequately packed. Therefore, a small Taco Bell trip consumed my afternoon break. However, the consumption of the fast food left me weighed down and further contributed to my unsettledness. Vicious cycle.

I was relieved when 3:30 hit the clock. I was anxious to get home and get some stuff done.

Still, I didn’t know how to give myself direction and motivation to accomplish the multitude of tasks that awaited me at home. I just simply wanted to GET home.

And when I got home and opened the door, before I could even set my bags down, a handsome man wearing a bold, blue shirt and tie that made his eyes sparkle, bounded up the stairs from his office and wrapped me in a welcome home hug and told me I was beautiful.

*Happy and contented sigh……*

The unsettled anxiety began to wash away. I was more than just home. I was where I belonged; where I was wanted.

Throughout the night, fulfillment began to infuse me.

~A 45-minute couch conversation with my husband about each others dreams, goals, and plans.
~A long, quiet hot shower with every smidgen of makeup from the day removed.
~A quiet time with the Lord asking Him to still my heart.
~The separation of dirty laundry and the whirring of the washing machine.
~A goodbye kiss to my husband wishing him good luck on his softball game.
~Giving myself grace for a couple unhealthy choices today and getting back on track tonight with healthy choices instead of waiting until tomorrow.

Quietness.

Restoring order.

Soft jazz music.

Writing.

Space.

These are just the things I needed.


I am glad to have learned from today. And I am glad for the opportunity to go try again tomorrow.