Unexpected Blessings.

I don't like fighting sickness.

Especially when it means having to cancel piano lessons for a third week in a row with two of the most wonderful little sisters in the world. Not only do I feel bad about holding their progress back another week, but I miss my weekly dose of getting to spend time with them.

However,

I believe God has set aside tonight for me.

On the outside, it looks like a nothing-special-sorta-disappointing night. An evening filled with cancelled plans, a sore throat, an overworking immunity system, stretchy sweats, pony-tailed hair, and dishes waiting to be washed doesn't sound very glamorous.

And it's not, really.

But there are some special things about an evening like this.

A husband needing some de-stressing comes home and puts on his sweats too. Netflix movies give his mind some rest while I relax by writing. A steaming, homeade latte for him while I keep downing cups of hot tea with slices of lemon.

Tonight is a chance for my husband and I to occupy our home. It is a chance to use our home as a place of healing and respite. Tonight we can light our candles, enjoy the Thanksgiving decorations that were put up over the weekend, get cozy in our sweats, and just be.

Just Be.

Even when we aren't in the same room, I enjoy hearing him move around in the other room. I love knowing he is near. I love walking past him and being available for a seven minute conversation before we each go back to what we were doing. I like being able to share a quick-something that we just remembered by talking from room to room. I like being available to live life with him.

So, although it took my body fighting sickness and a night off of school for my husband, we are getting the blessing of occupying the same space tonight and just being together. Together, we are healing body, mind and soul.

And I'm sure that whatever tomorrow brings, we will be better because of tonight.



What are some unexpected blessings that YOU have received lately?

I'm Loving....

....lots of things right now.

But here are a few biggies.

I'm loving...The Weather.

Thank you, So Cal, for actually giving us some weather that makes it feel like autumn this October! So deliciously cozy!

I'm loving...Quiet Evenings with Candles.

I have not been that busy running to and fro; however, my time has been well occupied.

I have been spending a few evenings a week at home. I have been opening a window to hear the rain and make the house cool enough for slippers. I have been doing lots of cooking and watching Redbox or Netflix-delivered movies. I've even been practicing my voice and piano music again. I've been doing all these things to the quiet yet enlivening glow of candles all throughout my house. I am LOVING my home evenings.

I'm loving...My Sisters.

Talking on the phone. Hearing details no one else is privy too. Laughing at things that only make us laugh. Getting together to work on piano music. Having comment conversations on facebook. Watching all three of them grow into beautiful (young) women. Nothing replaces a sister (or three)!

I'm loving...My Husband.

He is quite the guy; I love him SO much! He works so hard in every area of his life. He has so many big responsibilities pulling at him in this busy season of his life, and yet he still takes the time to share himself with me. He reserves our date night for just us. He sneaks in an extra date when he can. He calls me on his lunch. He shares his heart even when he is tired and also listens to mine. His positive attitude continues to uplift our household and bring me peace.

Thank you, Lord, for these - and so many other - blessings. You have withheld no good thing from me.


What about YOU? What are you loving these days?

Jesus Loves Me.

I am learning that Jesus loves me.

(you would think I already know...since the Bible tells me so...)

I used to know He loved me.

And I am beginning to know again.

Not just hope. Not just wish. Not just pretend.

But KNOW. that Jesus. Loves. Me.

My heart and my mind are beginning to come together on this subject. My heart has known the truth all along. I couldn't give up the belief that God loved me and really desired good things for me as His child.

But my mind wandered. My mind doubted. My mind started trying to piece together all the hard things that started happening over and over and over and it eventually came to a belief that maybe Jesus didn't love me that much after all.

And, without realizing that my mind was believing that, I began to approach my life as if that was true. It was when I began to evaluate my actions and the way I thought about myself that I began to realize what I believed about Jesus' love (or lack thereof) for me.

After much wrestling in my own strength, after some honest conversations with close friends and family, and after walking in obedience to truth even when I am unsure, I am beginning to feel God renewing my mind.

He is opening my eyes to His love. He lavishly poured love on me this weekend. And He is giving me the ability to see things through the filter of His love.

This is the love that I used to walk in. But as I rediscover it, it feels so NEW.

Perhaps it is because I had never known what it was like to live without His love before.

Now, after experiencing what it feels like to walk in a way that doesn't accept His abundant love for me, I am more grateful and more thirsty for His love than ever before.

What about YOU? Are you experiencing God's Love? Or do you struggle with believing He loves you?

My Heart Is In H.B.

I belong here.

Whenever I come here, I feel like I'm home. Known. I know myself best here.

Just like the smell of freshly brewed coffee when I walk into my parents house, the smell of the long and soft green grass on the north side of the HB pier welcomes me home. It's as if the scent of the grass is saying,
"Hey Heidi! Good to see you again. Sit! Soak it in. Relax! Welcome home."

So I do.

And here I am.

A blown wish-flower stem lays next to me - the seeds already scattered by my big blow with all the breath I could muster.

Perhaps that why I feel like I belong here. So many wishes have been blown here by me during the course of my life. I am sure some of those wishes have taken root in this grass.
Perhaps I've recycled my wishes and have blown the same wishes I have helped to grow here. Blowing and Planting. Blowing and Planting. My wishes keep growing here in HB.

As I lay in this wish-sprinkled grass, I see an unoccupied picnic table to my far left. But in my mind's eye, there is much activity at that table.

In my mind's eye, My Grandma Clarice is spreading out a plastic, red-and-white checkered table cloth. It catches in the wind and my nine-year-old self runs to catch the corners and help her lay it down.

We all carry down the food and most of us are wearing over-sized Michigan sweatshirts. My mom holds my newly-born sister tightly bundled in a blanket. I switch between being a mature daughter helping with the dishes to being a pony-tailed girl who wants to roll down the hills with my six-year-old sister.

After a couple hours, it starts to get windy. My grandpa warns that we shouldn't be out when it is cold and damp. My mom rallies us up and my dad loads the car. I soak every last bit of the wind that I can before I get in the car and stare out the window at the ocean.

I blink....and I'm back to reality.



As I'm laying on this ground where I've planted my wishes, I realize that my sometimes-wish of going back in time can only happen in the fond remembrances of my mind.

But the gentle swirling breeze around me and the rhythmic roar of the ocean before me reminds me that my future lies in forward motion. The whisper seems to say to me,

"It is good to know where you've come from. Be thankful for your roots, embrace your foundation, smile at your memories.

But live in the now.

And, without rushing, anticipate your future with joy.

And in this moment, laying on a bed of grass and childhood wishes,

Be Glad."

This post was first written in my journal, on a beautiful Sunday early-evening, in Huntington Beach, CA

She's Not Impressed.

With my blue, plastic cup in hand, I walk down the long aisle past all the grey cubicles and head towards the break room.

Outwardly, it looks like I am just thirsty and want some more water. And that is partly true. Inwardly, however, I am processing.

As I walk the long hallway, I am thinking about a recent conversation I had with an old friend and I am trying to figure out why the remembrance of that conversation is sweeping over me with a feeling of total satisfaction and rest.

I open the door to the break room and I smile at the lady eating her salad. I glance over at the group of people making small talk at the far table.

I head across the room to the water cooler and I can feel my inner self getting closer and closer to understanding the source of my satisfaction.

I position my cup under the water nozzle and tip the black-colored lever down. I watch as the water flows into my cup.

As the cup gets to be about halfway full, it comes to me.

Resolution! I finally know why I feel so satisfied in remembering my time with my friend.

It was because….

She wasn’t impressed by me.

What? I was surprised to realize that this was the reason for my satisfaction.

It’s true, I thought. She doesn’t seem impressed by me. She doesn’t think I’m oh-so-holy and she doesn’t want to be just like me. Okay.

But she LIKES me. She likes me for who I am. She enjoyed our time together just as much as I enjoyed it.

I don’t feel the need to try to impress her in the next facebook message I send her. Or in my actions the next time I see her.

I can just be me.

No pressure to please. No expectations to fulfill.

Just mutual enjoyment of one another. Admiration for one another. Receiving from each other.

Walking out of the office and heading towards a break room table outside. Sitting under some beautiful trees and sipping my water.

Relaxed.

Content.

Satisfied.

An hour of work left to go and then the weekend is mine to enjoy.

I’m starting the weekend off tonight by meeting a friend of my husband’s and his wife over dinner.

And now, after my afternoon epiphany, I am much more excited to meet these new friends than I was earlier because now I know I don’t have to go to impress.

I just have to go and enjoy.


So to my friend: Thank You!

Three Years!!!

Today, I have been married three years!

Three years ago, I was getting my make-up done by my mom, having my mom's best friend do my hair and all my sister's hair, and I almost didn't get to my wedding on time! It had something to do with a car breaking down with my best friend, most of the bridesmaids (my sisters) and the bride (me) in the car. That fiasco included nice men at the gas station helping us fix my friends car while my husband-to-be raced down the freeway 40 miles away to save me from the "evil" man with the chocolate milk. (who my friend and I still think was an angel in disguise.)

Point is, I made it (although a little late) to the little, old-fashioned church in Orange, Ca.

There is so much to say about that wonderful morning three years ago. It would take more than quite-a-few posts to fully describe all that I experienced and remember from that day.

But here are a few things I am thinking about today:

The feeling I had when I heard the music start to play for me to walk down the isle. That feeling was SO incredible and quite too impossible to describe. During my walk down the isle, it felt like time literally slowed down for me so that I could absorb every face, every emotion, every tear, every smile, and every flutter inside my heart. It. Was. Wonderful.

Walking out of the church with my new husband and realizing we had absolutely no clue what to do next. We hadn't rehearsed that part! So we just stood there watching everyone come out of the church until we were wisked away to go sign our marriage license.

Dancing with my dad. I had always looked forward to that and it was so special.
Watching Adam dance with his mom and realizing "that man is my HUSBAND!"
And, of course, dancing with Adam, as his wife.

Leaving our reception, and being so hungry that we pulled through the Burger King drive through down the street still dressed in the tux and wedding dress. Too bad we didn't realize that there was SO much delicious chicken left over at the reception.

Being stuck in traffic on our way to San Diego and getting TONS of honks because of our Just Married flags.

Getting to our hotel in San Diego and......enjoying ourselves. ;-) Room service was AWESOME! My honeymoon is where I learned to love eggs benedict and where I first got to enjoy Adam's awesome jet-ski skills.

Yay for Marriage!

What, if you are married, are some of your favorite memories from your wedding day? Or, if you aren't married, what are you looking forward to the most?

Three Years Ago Today. My LAST day of singleness.

This is the fourth post of the LASTS series.
For the first post, click here.
For the second post, click here.
For the third post, click here.



Three years ago today, I was single.

Well, I had a fiance. But my name was still Heidi Choate - unmarried. And for all practical purposes, I could have remained Heidi Choate for a longer period of time with the legal right to do so.

But there was no way this girl was gonna wait another day to marry Adam Mark Stephen.

Three years ago today, I wasn't focused on the "last"-ness of that day. I wasn't really thinking of how it was my last day to bear the name Choate. I don't remember thinking too much of what I wouldn't be able to do since it was the last day of my singleness. I didn't have any anxious thoughts about how it was the last day of being a virgin. I didn't have any unwavering thoughts about how it was the last day for me to consider all my "choices" of men out there in the world.

None of that was on my mind.

All I could really think of were the FIRSTS up ahead.

That night was the first night I was finally able to give my husband-to-be a box of letters that I had prayed over and written to him for years before I even knew who he was.

That night was the first night I was able to practice saying my vows.

That night, all I could think about was how the next day, for the first time, I was going to fully give myself - heart, body, and soul - to one man. For the rest.of.my.life.

And as I lay with curlers in my hair in my old bedroom in my parents house for one last time as an unmarried woman, I fell asleep with full peace of what my day of firsts would bring.

On that LAST day, August 3rd, 2007, I thought I knew what it was to be in love. But I learned on my day of FIRSTS, August 4th 2007, how much more it was possible for my heart to love. And my heart has been learning ever since.

As I look back on my last day before I said "I do," it seems like the love I had in my heart for my fiance was a only a crush in comparison to the love I now have in my heart for my husband after three-years-minus-one-day of marriage.

And I am so grateful that this journey gets to continue. Grateful that I get to keep learning to love. Grateful that I get to keep learning how to be loved.

I am so happy that I get to love you, Adam Stephen. Thank you for almost-three wonderful years!!!

Why the Blog Title?

"It is Happy to Love."

This statement comes from the book Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

This book, as stated on the back cover, is "a beautiful allegory dramatizing the yearning of God's children to be led to new heights of love, joy, and victory."
In the beginning of the book, the main character, Much-Afraid, is having a conversation with the Shepherd. They are talking about how love and pain are very much intertwined.


It goes like this:

Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."
"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?"
She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."
"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant."

This excerpt is where I found my blog title.

I have a heart that loves deeply. And because of it, I have known the deep pain associated with Love. But as the Shepherd says, it is so happy to Love and it is worth the pain. I am willing to try to get past my fear of pain and to continue to pursue the Joy that comes with freely-given Love.

And if I lose sight in this journey, I pray that when I stumble my eyes will be returned to look upon my Role Model.

A Man with two openly outstretched arms nailed willing to each side of a cross.


What about you? Can you think of a time that you felt more pain because of the degree that you chose to love? Do you ever find yourself avoiding depth of love in order to avoid pain?