Monday, August 30, 2010

Growing Pains.

When I was about nine I had bad growing pains in my legs.

My legs were growing really fast and my body was having a hard time keeping up with the rate of growth.

For awhile, it seemed like my young body was literally two-thirds legs and one-thirds torso. A little awkward. And painful.

There was nothing I could do to stop the growing. It was a good and necessary development. But it in that season, it just kept growing and growing and growing and then when the pain got overwhelming and I couldn’t escape my body, I’d lay on the cool sheets on top of my white, IKEA bunk-desk bed, and just cry.

That’s sort of how I feel in life right now.

For the past few years of my life, I have been growing and growing and growing. It seems that I haven’t even finished absorbing the first lesson before the second and third and forty-seventh start pushing at my heart.

My eyes never stop observing and my heart never stops feeling. Even when I try to make them stop. I am constantly aware of the lessons life is teaching me. I am constantly processing the experiences surrounding me and involving me.

I love processing. I really enjoy learning lessons. And although it can hurt, I don’t mind that much when my eyes are opened about my flaws and I’m the one that has to change.

But the fact that I haven’t taken a breather from new lessons for lots of years keeps catching up with me. There are times when it's overwhelming.

Sometimes it’s painful, like my leg-growing pains. There are times when I can’t get away from it and it hurts and I just have to cry. How can I reconcile all these new ideas? How can I know what truth is if I was sure something was true and I find out it's not? How can I trust when trust has been broken?

But sometimes, this process is glorious! Everything I am constantly learning is showing me more of who Jesus really is and there are times when I feel it all bubbling up inside me. I can feel my joy and gratefulness growing deeper and deeper inside me.

And just when it seems I couldn’t take more joy, I’ll see something beautiful, like when I'm driving down the freeway and beholding a gorgeous evening sky with puffy pink-and purple-hued clouds and the sun behind it all illuminating the colors and streaming out beyond the edges. Those are the moments when my tears again pour out and spill down past the biggest smile my lips can form.

Maybe this is how life will always be as an adult. It’s been my only experience of adult-life so far. Perhaps I will get more and more used to these constant growing pains.

But I wouldn't rather trade the lessons and the joy and the deep satisfaction when God finally illuminates the answers for anything, despite all the pain involved.

Has God been expanding anything in your heart lately? Do you ever feel overwhelmed with observations and lesson-learning in life?


  1. For years I wondered what was missing in my life.. but now I realize it was a heart like Jesus! I held in fears of everything, a fear my son wouldn't love the Lord, a fear my husband wouldn't find the Lord, a fear of being around non-Christian because the influence they may have on me or my family, being in a bar or around those who "party" too much... but now I have come to the reality of "that is how Jesus did it.." He was around the "hoodlums" and drunks and shared truth with them. I have come to the conclusion, that we truly are the body of Christ and we should fear nothing but the LORD himself. I was scared of people passing judgement on the little Christian girl, but the only way to win new souls to the kingdom is to be around the lost and lead them to the truth that will set them free. Perfection is never expected of us, but full surrender to Christ is, and allowing us to be His voice here on earth. Everyday I pray He can put me in the right place at the right time to say the right thing to someone that may lead them to the Lord... My growing pains... I have actually felt them in my body and soul, but appreciate the fact I am sharing in a bit of the pain Jesus suffered for us on the cross!

  2. I can relate girly! I know that God is growing me in so many ways. For example, my view of him, my faith in him, my view in myself, and my love for others. ( just to name a few) I would definately rather grow tham stay the same. I just wish it didn't have to hurt, but I guess there is usually pain invovled in anything that is truly worthwhile.

  3. Dear Anonymous: thank you so much for sharing your heart! I love how you said that "perfection is never expected of us, but full surrender to Christ is..." That's beautifully stated.

    Jenn: I agree! I want so much more to grow than to stay the same too but it DOES hurt!

  4. How do you cope with the pain, hurt, and trials? (looking for suggestions...)