Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I get used to my world.

The work week. Quiet. Office chairs and computers that don't talk to me. Space to think. The hum of co-workers conversations with each other or with customers. A pile of checks to open and deposit. An occasional outburst from my boss in the corner - but thankfully never directed at me (yet).

Saturday mornings. Quiet and still. Just the drip of a coffee pot until I pour myself a cup and settle into the couch with my Bible. Watching the peaceful, morning mountains outside my living room window become more alive as the sun brightens the day.

A world of (young) adulthood. The day ahead of me completely directed by me. By my own desires and personal agenda. Hiking, writing and reading, church. My current mood continually reflected by my choice of a Pandora station on my iPhone.

It seems, sometimes, as if I have never lived in a house with five other highly vocal and opinionated people. Five other dynamic and musically-inclined individuals.

And then I come back.

Just for an evening, which turns into spending the night, which turns into a July 5th holiday with the family.

And then I remember.

I remember what it was like years ago. I remember waking up to little sisters laughing on the couch as I came down in my pajamas. I remember waking up to a scolding for not having my chores done on time. I remember waking up to the sound of Christian radio while my parents danced around in the kitchen frying bacon and setting the table. I remember, once again, how quickly a happy conversation can turn from laughing hysterically to everyone going in separate rooms after one ill-spoken comment. I remember opening our garage door on a warm 9:00am morning to the swarm of neighborhood children wanting to play. I remember how difficult it is to finish a complete sentence. I remember what it is like to have to jump on your opportunity to speak before you miss your chance. I remember not being able to stop laughing and almost choking on milk over something not-that-funny. I remember the almost-constant motion. And I remember the treasure of staying up late at night to listen to the quiet.

When I come back, I can't believe I have forgotten.

That was my world.

And now, it is no longer my world.

But, it will be my world again someday.

God-willing, someday, I will be waking up to assuage the night cries of my little ones. I will be asking my husband to please take the big brother to baseball practice while I stay home with the sick ones in bed. I will be cutting coupons and making Costco runs to feed the ever-hungry and ever-moving mouths. I will be setting the dinner table for six and will eventually start eating before all six seats are filled because we can’t wait any longer for the high-schooler to get home from rehearsal. I will mediate between the fights and the tears. I will swell with joy and gratitude when I hear the sound of all my kids laughing at something not-that-funny. I will be proud when I see the older one teach the younger one how to find verses in the Bible.

Perhaps that will be me someday. My biggest prayer is that it will be.

And in those days still yet to come, I will remember.

I will remember what it was like in my young years of marriage. I will remember what it is like to change Friday night plans on a whim. I will remember what it was like to do something spontaneous with my husband just because we can. And I will remember the peace of a quiet Saturday morning after a long work week. I will remember the magic of the morning with my husband still in bed, and the only sound being the dripping of a coffee pot until I pour myself a cup and settle into the couch with my Bible.

I am going to enjoy these days I am living in. These days of youthfulness mixed with adulthood, peacefulness mixed with stress, busyness mixed with control of how I desire to order my time, and quiet Saturday mornings that will not last forever.

I will strive to fully embrace each season I am in.

But in each season, I will try to remember.


  1. beautiful. I remember too. But each season has something beautiful to be admired and grateful of. The beauty of Spring and its vibrant colors isn't better than winter w/ it's cold beauty of the snow or the warm summer nights or the beauty of the leaves in the fall. Just like every season on earth, each season of life is beautiful in it's own way. Sometimes one must dig for the beauty of a certain season, but it's there. I can't wait to see each season unfold for you Heidi.....as well as myself. But now, I will fully embrace the season that God has placed me in, and enjoy my blessings as they come.

    "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to up root a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to builda time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

  2. I think it is crazy that whatever season we may be in, we forget that season won't last forever. No matter how great or terrible that season may be, another season is right around the corner. I pray that whatever season I am in, I will be able to enjoy it. I am able to focus more on my desires, my plans, and my feelings right now. One day my life will be focused on my children's and husband's desires, plans, and feelings.

  3. Amy and Jennifer...you are both so right. It's all about embracing the season God has us in in the moment.

    We can't go back so it's best to enjoy and be grateful for NOW.

  4. I love this. Funny how we have so many similar memories and hope that those same memories will turn into realities but from the new perspective of parent. At the same time, I will choose to be content as I wait for a spouse and ultimately children. Thanks Heidi for your honesty! It was great to be reminded to wait. :)

  5. Hi Hannah! Thanks for your input...yes, I often need the reminder to wait. I spent most of my childhood/teen years looking ahead. Now, I really want to try and just STAY where I am at!

  6. Heidi this was a beautiful blog. You write so well and I am so glad I finally discovered your pages of thoughts. Just like I did when I was sixteen, I certainly get a kick out of you. But now it's much more than fond laughter. It is something much more and many MANY ways. Eventually I think we will reconnect and maybe talk about all of those things... but for now, I will continue reading. You inspire me, Heidi. You always have. Thank you.
    Love Jessica

  7. thanks Jessica; your words mean a lot.

    and I would LOVE to reconnect when it works out for the both of us!