Yesterday, I talked about how sometimes the fear of being rejected or the fear of controversy can lead me to be dishonest through omission. Meaning, I won’t necessarily verbalize a lie and say, “Yes, I totally agree with you!” (when I don’t) but I WILL sort of half-heartedly nod and just listen, giving the appearance that I am in agreement.
I am currently figuring out when I need to be honest and not allow my fears to hold me back from speaking truth or from verbalizing my opinions. However, in this learning process, I am also discovering when it is appropriate to use discretion over blunt honesty.
When I say that we should be honest despite our fears of rejection, I DON”T mean that we should go blaring our opinions around, especially uninvited, to every person in our path. There is a place for discretion.
So how do we know when we should say something and when we shouldn’t?
There could be more to this answer [and I would love to hear your thoughts] but I believe it has to do with the internal motivation of your heart.
There are two questions that have I begun to ask myself. These are:
“Why do I want (or don’t want) to say this?” and “What is the benefit of me saying this.”
If I am finding that the only reason I don’t want to say something is fear of rejection or fear of controversy, I might want to consider stretching myself and applying the honesty approach.
But, if there is going to be no actual benefit to me speaking up about something, or if it causes unneccesary harm, or if I find that my reasons for wanting to share something are purely selfish, then maybe it is a good time to apply the rule of discretion.
I think I am beginning to discover the line between a time for honesty and a time for discretion.
What do you think? What have you learned in this area?